Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Bit of Background on this "Life Change..."

So I've been saying that my journey started on 3/29/10.  I guess I should clarify that it started AGAIN on 3/29/10.  For most of my adult life, I've been on this journey.  I have not been successful & everytime I tried to lose weight, I ended up even fatter.  I ballooned up to 241.4 pounds on 3/29/10.  That was a huge slap in the face for me to see on the scales.  I wasn't just overweight.  I was obese.  Horrifying.  You see, when I started diets, I would succeed for about 2 days.  Then I would quit.  Once I quit, I would tell myself that I would start again on Monday.  So, I had to indulge in everything bad & horrible before Monday.  Then the cycle would repeat.  Can you see why I gained weight with every diet? 

I still don't really have an answer for why this time around has been different.  Perhaps it's because I joined Weight Watchers.  I think I do really well when I have to step on the scale in front of someone.  I don't like the idea of having someone else see my weight & it humbles me.  It made me push myself.  When I first "re-Started" this journey in March, I had a few people try to put me down.  They pointed out my fatty areas & made negative comments about my body shape.  I was compared to thinner people, but this did not discourage me.  It fueled me.  (I would NEVER do this to another person as it is cruel & often causes people to quit, binge, etc.)  Here I am 90 pounds lighter & I was asked by a trainer if I would be interested in sharing my story.  Wow!  That was so flattering & I was super excited.  Of course I would love to share if someone would find an ounce of it helpful.  I have been reading blogs over the past 9 months & find huge encouragement in hearing other people's journeys.  However, this highlight was quickly dashed by someone who made comments to suggest that my journey was easy for me.  That perhaps I did this in an almost unhealthy fashion because I was hungry & would talk myself out of eating.  That perhaps I didn't always eat healthy foods.  There was some truth in that, but I do not feel that I was doing anything unhealthy.  I was often hungry because I wouldn't choose the most filling foods.  I ate the amount of points I was allotted, but if I ate foods that were full of carbs, I would be hungry later.  I am making much better choices now, though this was not acknowledged.

My advice to anyone on this journey, be supportive of everyone's journey.  Know that we all have a different way to do things, but that we are sharing an ultimate goal to be healthy.  I took a spin class on Friday - fabulous.  I ran 2 miles today in 18 minutes - fabulous!  I'm enjoying my health much more now.  I didn't even feel sore after either of those activities.  I now weigh almost 150 pounds which is my goal weight.  I feel great & I am trying desperately to be positive and not let others make comments that derail me from my goal.  I just need to state that this was NOT easy.  Though I've done it in a relatively short time (90 pounds in 9 months), that does not equal easy.  I wanted to quit.  I wanted to just have another slice of pizza.  I didn't wanna work out before bed.  I just wanted to snuggle under the covers & watch TV.  I had to talk myself into these habits.  They did not form overnight.  Half way through the journey, I wanted to take a break.  It was tough.  I know now that there isn't really a break.  This is my new life.  I can have what I refer to as "cheat" days, but I will forever be on this healthy trek.  It's worth it & I'm worth it.

Find a way, stick with it, and be a better version of you.  You are worth it.  I spent $40/month on Weight Watchers during a time when my husband was unemployed.  There was a lot of guilt over spending the money, but my husband was my biggest cheerleader.  He never griped about the money.  I had to learn to put myself first at times.  Exercising was something that I had to do.  I felt great afterward.  Do this for yourself.  Love yourself & do great things for you & that will make you a better person overall!

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